Wednesday, November 28, 2012

What is Love? The Intimate View

A long time ago, I wrote a column called Up Close and Personal: the Intimate View. Someone recently asked me to answer the question, What is Love?

He came from a more technical perspective in his definition. But we all know that there is no place for thinking when it comes to love, right? Well is also made me remember how much I enjoyed writing that column... so if anyone has a question you would like me to answer or address, Bring It!

And for now, site back and enjoy this little ditty about Love... specifically, What Is Love?

xoxo Morgana

What Is Love

John wrote:
Morgana, you had written "real love is to have absolute concern for others... so anyone we have concern for, we love. It is so simple but we make it so complex with our attachments to the fears saying I don't love, because love is only this... or that... we have a lot of ways of expressing love. It's all good!" I've done plenty of thinking about what "real love" is. I have a few disagreements with your definition. I don't mean to put your opinion down or to say you are wrong. I just see a few things in the above paragraph that concern me.

I should begin by telling you that I have a BS degree in chemistry and I'm very analytical in my thinking. I tend to nitpick at theories and try to see the flaws in them. I tend to ask for proof and if none is present, I say "well then we aren't sure, now are we"? I think you know what I mean.

My understanding of "real love". First, I don't think you can say "absolute concern". The term implies a level not obtainable. If I have absolute concern for my wife, I cannot have absolute concern for my children, my dad, mom, and so on. "Absolute" leaves room for nothing else. For example, consider the known temperature "absolute zero." I think it's -459 degrees Fahrenheit. This is the temperature in which all atomic motion ceases. That is, all atoms come to a complete stop. They can't get any colder. So, when I hear/read "absolute" I think highest, most, the top, pinnacle, can't go any higher, any more, you see?

Love (toward another human) is an intense desire to see that person continue throughout their lifetime to grow spiritually (not necessarily religiously), but to find spiritual growth and enhancement. It is selfless (not selfish). Love MAY also be that feeling you get when you are very close to the higher power of the universe. Love might be God and God might be love. I can't prove it though.

Thanks for putting up with me. These have been the thoughts I have when I consider the definition of "love".

Morgana replied:

You spoke of love in the absolute or what I call a "black and white" terms. I see the meaning of absolute entirely different; I don't see "absolute" as final, although it can be one of its definitions. Love is not final by any means; it is the foundation and part of a continual process. Although there are many definitions of "absolute," here are the first five according to

abásoálute 1.Perfect in quality or nature; complete.
2.Not mixed; pure. See Synonyms of pure.
3. a. Not limited by restrictions or exceptions; unconditional: absolute trust. b. Unqualified in extent or degree; total: absolute silence. See Usage Note at infinite. 4.Unconstrained by constitutional or other provisions: an absolute ruler.
5.Not to be doubted or questioned; positive: absolute proof. Absolute Philosophy. a. Something regarded as the ultimate basis of all thought and being. b. Something regarded as independent of and unrelated to anything else.

Do you have more than one child? If so, do you not have absolute, complete love for each of them? You mentioned your parents; don't you feel love for each of them? Let's look at this from another perspective, Are you creative AND intellectual; or only creative or intellectual? Can you be both and still able to continue to grow in each aspect?

Love and relationships teach us lessons towards self-actualization and growth; you may finish one phase, like graduating from high school; you go on to college, graduate from college but you can still get your masters, doctorate, even two, or as many as possible. Love is an education; there is never a limit on what we can learn. There is a infinite depth of understanding we can obtain with the lessons of the heart.

I asked my 17 year-old daughter, "What is love?" Her answer was, "Feelings, very strong feelings. They make me feel good and bad. Love is pain, like Ja Rule says in a song." So I asked, how is love painful? She answered, "Because the pain comes when the heart hurts." So I ask, "When does the heart hurt?" She said, "It depends. I love someone but I cannot be with him." So, Des... the heart hurts because you love, or because you cannot express, give, and receive the love you feel?

Everything we do is based on two things: love and what isn't. The essence of love is sharing, to be received, as well as given. The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy... the lack of feeling at all or feelings denied. Denial does not mean it isn't real, only we choose not to acknowledge something's presence in our life.

Love is much more than a concept. Love is a verb, an energy, just like money, we earn it and spend it; its power moves through us, affecting decisions, stirring emotions, changing our reality. Love is not elation itself, but can offer a sense of exhilaration. You cannot hold it, see it, although we can see and hold someone or something; this is where the attachment to love gets defined as a noun. We may "like" ice cream, but the ice cream is not the "like" only the meaning the ice cream holds in our beliefs.

Individually, we possess feelings just as we own the choice to love. Unrequited love is a perfect example; the other person may not know of the feelings, or may not feel the same way; however, what is felt is very real indeed. In this case, love is not given, nor is it received; simply love is....

I enjoyed reading your ideal of love. Often, love gets misunderstand if there is a greater threat or fear of loss; many can feel threatened if a partner goes through changes or growth, fearing the partner will leave. In this co-dependent relationship, love defined as an object, rather than the expression of feelings. The ownership of feeling is transferred to another person, making us dependent on that person as the source.

When someone feels anger or jealousy, there is love present, and a fear of loss that is stronger, which is why we see possessiveness in relationships; when the fear of losing someone is stronger than self-love, love is tied in as an object, often using control as a means to keep the love there.

As far as my credentials, I have degrees in Psychology, Reiki, and Metaphysics. What has taught me the most is been my continuous education in life school. I have learned more through my relationships and the many lessons offered by my children, family, partnerships, and friends. I have undoubtedly learned the most through my mistakes! Where else in life can getting an "F" teach us so much?

Maybe through the process of learning what love isn't, that is where we find the true definition of what love is?