Friday, July 30, 2010

Too Sexy for my Face...Book?

So what is the deal with all of these FaceBook profile poses? I mean, is that how you really want the world to see you? Hips contorted, hands on hips, breasts sticking out, lips all pursed, looking all (perception is subjective) hot. Yea, I kinda don't get it.

I want people see see me for who I am... not who I am projecting myself to be.

ok, ok I know that must sound kind of strange coming from someone who doesn't even have a profile photo. I am a very private person with a very public job, and it's hard sometimes to separate the two but it keeps my home life very separate from my work life. But this profile thing is something different.

If we pose a 'real' photo, then others look at us and think, well that person is plain 'ol ... and if we pose all sexy and hot, then we are better than our regular selves?

I dont think so.

My picture is no where near a projection of who I am. For me, it's a mask. But are all those profile pictures out there masks? If so, why? What are you afraid of? Someone might actually get to know the real you?

So sexier? No. More insecure? Maybe. Conceited? lol - depends. Do you actually think that you look good like that? Or were you trying to look better?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Whoever Told Men...?

Whoever said that it was ok for a guy to buy a pair of sandals that are waaaay to big... and that would be acceptable?

I am at the counter ready to buy my sugar-free peach, mango Slurpee and there is this 20-ish year old, kinda dumpy guy standing in front of me. Here I am, minding my own business, looking him up and down and I am thinking... hmm not much to him. and then I get down to his shows... it was like a broken record coming to a screeching stop.

As I looked down I saw he was wearing his beach sandals like 3 sizes too big... his shoe was sticking out - about an inch on each side - from his toes and his heels...

What the hell is that?

His feet looked like they were a third of their actual size. But then looking over the rest of his attire, he had on a very large, baggy T-shirt, and some baggy low-waisted pants. So the shoes had just as much thought as the rest of his clothes. But it was the shoes that really bugged me.

Baggy clothes are one thing, but this wasn’t a case of high fashion where it’s now cool for the guy to walk around with half his ass covered in multi-colored flags covering the slot in between his baggy pants where the belt is saving the rest of us from the peek show… This was more like, 'I walked into the Target Mens department, grabbed a pair from the rack that somewhat resembled a number that he guessed would fit his body, and then slapped down a twenty at the register," demeanor of shopping.

At first it had occurred to me that this guy must have lost a lot of weight. I mean for a guy, you know… forty pounds or so. And he still had another ten or twenty to go and didn’t want to buy more clothes just yet… in hopes.

But then I thought, … no, sadly, he has a "peeny" ... you know, a teenie penis... and wore his shoes bigger, in the attempt to say, hey I wear a much bigger size that he actually did. It might be embarrassing to shop for shoes and say, can I get a size 7… in Mens? Women don’t run away quite so fast.

Although any one of those reasons would have been good ones, but then I started to think to myself about the raising ritual of the young teenage white male; soon I had the answer.

He was lazy.

He didn't care what he looked like because he was, first, a white male. Mommy probably did everything for him, so no one really taught him how to shop, iron, and possibly even do laundry.

He obviously wasn't groomed; therefore had no current girlfriend... (this theory, of course, is much like the, 'who came first discussion... the chicken or the egg) No way was this guy getting a girl, dressed (and groomed) like that; even if he had the girl, it’s obvious that he didn’t care all that much about her... maybe just keeping her around to wash his dishes and do a little laundry, and of course, clean his clock.

So my question is, whoever said that it was acceptable to look like this? I guess women do it too... especially after we have babies, but geez loueeze, we are dodging excrements comin' outta all orifices. What's your excuse?

Ok so you don’t have one. No harm, no foul. But maybe just take a cue from this. There are little feet painted on the floor of some stores. (especially in the boys …ahem section) AND if you step it up a notch, to you know, Mall level, you can actually get some hot chick ready and waiting with the silver foot measuring device. You put your foot into the machine nestled securely in her crotch. Two for one there, eh buddy?

But whatever you do, DON'T go outside in public wearing sandals that big. It's embarrassing for both of us... But mostly to you, but hey, we are all now thinking about how unfortunate it must be… to be in your shoes...

Kinda like tossing a hot dog down a hallway... if you get my drift??

Friday, July 2, 2010

What's up with these Joined Names?

Ok I just don't get it when people use these joined (at the hip) names for celebrity relationships. I was just reading the 'buzz' online that my fav t.v. show, House, who is normally a grumpy, sarcastic, and downright asshole of a man but BRILLIANT doctor, who will now be happy on the show in coming episodes. See, Happy and House  normally dont fit in a sentence together. Hooked... I kept reading. I learned that Dr. House will be hooking up with his long-time love, Lisa Cuddy. House and Lisa... were affectionately referred to as 'HUDDY.'

HUDDY? What the hell is with all of these combined names? Don't people know how stupid these names actually sound? Does someone actually think that HUDDY sounds attractive as a word, or to either of them... especially not to Lisa Edelstein, the talented and gifted actress who has now been deduced to the linking of a super-couple that sounds more like a cow chewing hay...

I wonder if people do it in real life too...? Although I seriously don't think so... at least I hope not cause it's pretty pathetic.  Then I began to wonder ... who actually thinks up these LAMES? (That's Lame Ass Names for those of you who aren't paying attention!)

I decided to do some research to ease my idle curiousity during an evening while bored at the computer. It seems that this sort of name joining starded to became more infamous through daytime soap operas, like the Days of our Lives super couple, Bo and Hope, now affectionately known as BOPE.

And it seems like this epidemic has now spread as we see those more recognizable couples like Branjalina, and Bennifer, the ex Ben and JLo.

I just have to ask... What drugs was someone smoking when they were sittin back watching t.v thinking hmmmm, Sami and EJ should be EJAMI; or maybe it was those just as equally passionate fans that believe Sami's should be with Lucas... becoming LUMI. LUMI?  Well I guess it's ok since they have kids together, it should be LUMI. WAIT! Sami had a kid, no two kids with EJ AND, two of her kids are twins... and the father is.. no the father's of Sami's twins are... BOTH EJ and Lucas.  Maybe it's a little more menage a trois-ish like, LAMIEJ? I dont know... hurts to think that much.

Then again, I am not even sure which is worse, EJAMI or LAMI. hmmm.

Well... if you ask me, it's all fudiculous.