Big Ass Cars...

This morning, I am leaving the school after dropping my son off, and I come up to the end of the block and I need to turn right. Should be an easy task, right? Well, it's not. It took me having to wait for three cars, an extra five minutes out of my life, because I had to wait for these big ass cars to make a left hand turn. Once the first car went, I thought, great, here is my chance, and before I could wait for his big ole ass to move out of blocking my view, there came another one. And then there was another one turning left onto my street, all the while, another big ass car moved there into the left hand turn lane, once again, blocking my view. I sat... and waited. and finally, it was there, a red light to the right, which meant, you got it, blockage... and I looked up to the left to check for clearance and son of a bitch, another big ass car. Ugh! It's kind of like going to the movies where the person sitting in front of you is over six feet tall or wearing a cowboy hat.

Unfortunately, I can't see what traffic is coming towards me with these big ass cars in the way. It's not like this is a difficult task, it's just frustrating... and thank God that I had just dropped my son off, rather than be picking him up because the school of language he would have been learning might not have been on any of the appropriate lists.

I learned a long time ago that my son is a little parrot. And even though he is waaay back there in the car seat, from waaay back there in the car seat, he is listening... and watching. diligently, I might add. Cuz one day, the idiot in front of me pulled out and cut us off, and before I could utter the words.... "What are you thinking Stupid Idiot ..." came a rolling right out of his little mouth, the very mouth of an angel, causing me to NEVER AGAIN say ANYTHING derogatory in the car with my children. Well almost.

But I digress...

What is it with people who drive those big ass cars? I don't get it. I know that are families are big and we have more stuff, and for some reason, we all feel like we have to take that stuff with us everywhere. Do we really need more stuff, seriously?

See, your big ass car is more than just blocking our view, it's having the nerve to have tv's in the car because kids certainly don’t get enough tv time at home.. and now I have to watch their kids sitting quieting in the back seat watching television, while my kids are asking me ‘eighteen different questions per hour’ about the same subject matter. I call this “EDQPH” for those who just tuned in.

Then there’s the parking. Your big ass car doesn’t fit in the space, and I am not just talking about those size 7 spaces that you are trying to get your size 11 shoes, er, cars in… those normal size spaces that when we return back to our cars, we have dings up and down the sides of our doors as you and your children hop back in those big ass cars to get back to regular programming.

And you know what’s even worse... those menacing cars at night … lights searing straight into your eyes, into the depths of your soul... causing temporary blindness. You KNOW they are doing it on purpose.

So my solution to all of this simply is... We should all go to the movies and stalk the people who drive these big ass cars.... and then purposely wear a cowboy hat and sit right in front of THEM! And when they have the nerve to say anything to us, we simply turn around and say...

I will take off my hat if you never again block me with your big ass car!


Copyright © Shelli Buhr 2010