Whoever Told Men...?

Whoever said that it was ok for a guy to buy a pair of sandals that are waaaay to big... and that would be acceptable?

I am at the counter ready to buy my sugar-free peach, mango Slurpee and there is this 20-ish year old, kinda dumpy guy standing in front of me. Here I am, minding my own business, looking him up and down and I am thinking... hmm not much to him. and then I get down to his shows... it was like a broken record coming to a screeching stop.

As I looked down I saw he was wearing his beach sandals like 3 sizes too big... his shoe was sticking out - about an inch on each side - from his toes and his heels...

What the hell is that?

His feet looked like they were a third of their actual size. But then looking over the rest of his attire, he had on a very large, baggy T-shirt, and some baggy low-waisted pants. So the shoes had just as much thought as the rest of his clothes. But it was the shoes that really bugged me.

Baggy clothes are one thing, but this wasn’t a case of high fashion where it’s now cool for the guy to walk around with half his ass covered in multi-colored flags covering the slot in between his baggy pants where the belt is saving the rest of us from the peek show… This was more like, 'I walked into the Target Mens department, grabbed a pair from the rack that somewhat resembled a number that he guessed would fit his body, and then slapped down a twenty at the register," demeanor of shopping.

At first it had occurred to me that this guy must have lost a lot of weight. I mean for a guy, you know… forty pounds or so. And he still had another ten or twenty to go and didn’t want to buy more clothes just yet… in hopes.

But then I thought, … no, sadly, he has a "peeny" ... you know, a teenie penis... and wore his shoes bigger, in the attempt to say, hey I wear a much bigger size that he actually did. It might be embarrassing to shop for shoes and say, can I get a size 7… in Mens? Women don’t run away quite so fast.

Although any one of those reasons would have been good ones, but then I started to think to myself about the raising ritual of the young teenage white male; soon I had the answer.

He was lazy.

He didn't care what he looked like because he was, first, a white male. Mommy probably did everything for him, so no one really taught him how to shop, iron, and possibly even do laundry.

He obviously wasn't groomed; therefore had no current girlfriend... (this theory, of course, is much like the, 'who came first discussion... the chicken or the egg) No way was this guy getting a girl, dressed (and groomed) like that; even if he had the girl, it’s obvious that he didn’t care all that much about her... maybe just keeping her around to wash his dishes and do a little laundry, and of course, clean his clock.

So my question is, whoever said that it was acceptable to look like this? I guess women do it too... especially after we have babies, but geez loueeze, we are dodging excrements comin' outta all orifices. What's your excuse?

Ok so you don’t have one. No harm, no foul. But maybe just take a cue from this. There are little feet painted on the floor of some stores. (especially in the boys …ahem section) AND if you step it up a notch, to you know, Mall level, you can actually get some hot chick ready and waiting with the silver foot measuring device. You put your foot into the machine nestled securely in her crotch. Two for one there, eh buddy?

But whatever you do, DON'T go outside in public wearing sandals that big. It's embarrassing for both of us... But mostly to you, but hey, we are all now thinking about how unfortunate it must be… to be in your shoes...

Kinda like tossing a hot dog down a hallway... if you get my drift??