So they were talking about this party they went to. She was exaggerating her point a bit, swaying her head back, hair flying in the breeze. He listened… intently… enamored. Everything that came out of her lips was magical.
She was telling him how someone sort of dissed her at the party because of her excess baggage. She said to Sammy that it was because “she has a few pounds to lose,” where he saw absolutely nothing wrong. She was perfect with a capital ‘P.’
At that point of ease-listening into their conversation, it was obvious to me that Sammy and Laina were in-love. My guess was that they hadn’t seen each other for more than about six months.
Listening to their conversation made me think of the earlier stages of my own relationships. I remember when we first met, everything appeared and was spoken through a rose-colored lens. We were all sweet and lovey-dovey with each other. That was the earlier stages where women did not fart or go #2 (gasp, dare she say it?!) with a guy anywhere near them.
But over time, things change. I wanted to turn around and yell to the love birds – she isn’t perfect and neither is he... Right now he adores the way you are, but in a year or two, the very things you joke about will be your downfall! Run, run while you still can.
Was that too cynical?
We all know that the length of the relationship can be estimated by how two people act with each other. I mean this relationship was still very new. They were still very sweet on each other and almost gagable. You remember how that is, don’t you? The Universe gives us a little potion to work with called the ‘in-lovey gene” causing them to joke back and forth very lovingly about each others love handles, while giggling and kissing.
But somewhere around the six months time frame, those ‘in-lovey’ hormones and pheromones that were flying everywhere begin to fade and we now get bit by the ‘relationship’ gene as reality begins to set in and we enter the newlywed stage of the relationship. Things are still a little on the dreamy side, but perhaps a tad more realistic.
Once that in-lovey gene has worn off, we best be prepared and hopefully we put that first six months to good use by actually discovering more about each other, learning that that we actually do like each other. And it’s not all about sex either people! Empty (but good) sex only complicates things, making it easy to have that passion to keep us tied to that relationship, only to find we really don’t like that other person. Yikes. Now what?
This should be the part of the relationship where we begin to feel more comfortable with each other. The point where women will at least ‘let ‘er rip’ and men will undoubtedly call them on it. There are still grins and giggles around the situation and it’s still sorta cute. But it’s gonna get old. Fast. Especially if he is one of those guys who get a little nervous around that big ‘C’ word, the next stage in the relationship.
This is THE part in the relationship where you better have all of your ducks in a row. At this stage of the game we should have taken that time exploring and getting to know each other, by now feeling things out. We should be friends, partners, sexual and emotional. There are ups and downs, fights, break-ups and make-ups... Maybe things aren’t so great and the relationship goes sour here. Better than being alone I guess, but commitment… wellll dunno, let’s just wait and see. Or maybe you have gone through the worst of it and you are both still standing so for the most part, it’s ok, maybe even good.
And if we are still here, alive and kicking and still want to have sex with each other, we move into the final stages of relationship reality, the COMMITMENT.
This is the tricky part. If we can stand each other past two-three years, we may just be on some solid ground and really explore each other from a no-holds-barred perspective. When you let one rip girls, he gasps, “oh man, come on, I can’t eat smelling that!” and you no longer care where you are because a girl has to go when a girl has to go. It’s the point where you begin to look at communication, future, and finances, (err that means debt) past relationships, kids, and is the sex still that good?
Sammy and Laina Sittin' in a Tree… K I S S I N G… It was so easy for me to see what stage of their relationship they were in because this is how their conversation goes …
Laina was telling Sammy how someone sort of dissed her at the party because of her excess baggage.
• When they first met, he smacked her ass lovingly with sparkles in his eyes.
• Six months later, the smacking stops but he does look, disapprovingly, saying nothing.
• Two years later, he says, ‘you really gonna eat that ice cream, I mean do you really need that ice cream?’
• In five years… ‘fat cow, you just had to have a second helping,’ as he pats his own bellowing, hung-over- the-belt gut. She smacks him, spouting off, "stupid loaf, get a job." Whatever happened to the love?
Somewhere in between, two souls came together to express their desire to be loved by another person. To be and share the very best of themselves, to grow, to feel safe, and to be cherished. So why is it that over time, love became a noun, tossed away, and no longer is a verb?
