Friday, March 4, 2011

Can I Bum a Smoke?

Can I Bum a Smoke?  I tend to think that the words, “Can I Bum a Smoke” is a magical phrase. That phrase, like no other can be a bridge for instant communication with another person and the cigarette becomes a magic stick once ignited. Maybe it’s not-so-good for human consumption, it certainly is good for fraternization.  So I have to ask... should people smoke? Are cigarettes getting a bum rap?

The other day I saw some guy walk past me, and walked up to some guy he didn’t know. He stopped and asked, “Hey, can I bum a smoke?”  Not long after, these two unknownenst to each other were striking up a conversation and within minutes, they acted as if they had known each other for months… you know, personal details like whether or not Joe has a dog and/or a girlfriend and what Steve had for lunch or what he did over the weekend.  In fact, a few more people came and before I knew it, I was watch this mysterious experience as it was unfolding as this group of people stood there just hanging out... and chatting it up. Then seven minutes later, they all disbursed, moving in their separate ways.

This, as we all know, is not ordinary behavior for homo-sapiens. It’s not common for people who don’t know each other to strike up and have conversations.  

Let’s take getting on an elevator for example. First one person gets on the elevator. Then a couple more peeps come in. Just say for grins and giggles, this pair knows each other so they are off in the corner,  whispering. Now let’s add a few more people… everyone is looking at everything BUT each other – staring off… checking email, texting,  looking at everything from the elevator buttons, to what floor it is, to checking out the ceiling... as a means to avoid any contact what-so-ever. People actually avoid saying something out of fear of being stuck in this tiny little room stuffed with strangers. But whip out a smoke and it’s chat time. (p.s. no smoking in an elevator. Don’t you all get my ass in trouble!)

So me and a friend run through a few scenario’s to see if that ‘smoke’ is really magic, or just a phenomenon. My friend said you don’t need to smoke, that maybe you just ask someone for a light, or for a lighter. I took his input in account but ended up thinking that it just doesn’t fit the criteria. Someone asks for a light and may be doing just that… they get their light and move on. Same thing with a lighter… although it’s a little more personal since the holder actually owns the lighter... (ever notice how they HOLD the lighter and not hand it over?) In this circumstance, one might feel he should stay and chat, but for the most part, when people get the light, they split.

So what is it about bumming a cigarette that initiates a situation for people stop and hang out? Do they feel beholden to stay and smoke.. after all, they are getting this smoke for free and it’s only polite, right? I guess it’s rude to bum a smoke and split. Regardless of this odd phenomenon, this is a way that we can get people to sit and break bread, er … smoke a cigar or cigarette… together.

You know... as I think ... THIS could be the answer to solving everything… from marriages to politics. Literally. We could even bring nations together by getting together and light up! The United Nations should consider changing its motto to incorporate the Peace... Pipe?
Then there is an aid for intimacy for couples. Need more intimacy in your relationship? Just go bum a smoke. (p.s. Online Dating sites and Phillip Morris, if you are out there listening, I would brand this idea now, while it’s hot.)  Better yet, help rebuild all those bad marriages. Or maybe we could create a speed dating event called, “Light up and Hook up.” If you want to talk to that person, then you simply take a toke. er.. I mean, light a cigarette... (sorry... wrong vice.) It could sure eliminate some of those inevitable uncomfortable silences. Three minutes can be a long ass time when you are staring across the table at a woofer or a total bore.

Well, we all know that smoking is bad for your health, but now I am wondering about the studies done on smoking and stress? Perhaps their data is biased. Studies show (well my powers of observation do anyway... and if you are shaking your head... evidently yours does too!) that people who smoke, take more breaks at work. So maybe smoking can also be portrayed as a stress reliever? I, for one, used to envy those smokers while I was chained to my desk without an excuse to leave; smoking was the perfect excuse to slip out for ten minutes every couple of hours.

From intimacy aid to stress relief, I think the cigarette has been getting a Bum Rap ... get it... bum rap?  Or maybe we should come up with new ingredients, something that doesn’t contain 21 toxins with names that you can’t pronounce, just so we can enjoy some of the other perks of smoking. Either way, I certainly learned that there is something magical about that phrase that brings all of us together... Hey, Can I Bum a Smoke?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Evite Etiquette: FaceBook Style

On FaceBook... why do people who get an invitation feel the necessity to reply? Is it perhaps because we have been trained to RSVP or it's considered rude? Or perhaps it is because we have agreed to the notion that we are all friends; therefore, we must reply.

Oddly, it doesn't work the same in real life. I recently sent out invitations for a small party and only received one RSVP, and twenty people showed. YIKES. I have also seen it the opposite way where people RSVP, and you.. thinking that these people will actually show up ... buy a buttload a food to feed a small army ... and no one shows.

In real life (or via Evite for a real event) an RSVP would be great. But in the world of FaceBook, we send out invitations for just about anything... you know, to announce to the world that we are... getting a boob job, got a new job, leaving a fucked up job, and yea even getting a blow job... (You fill in blanks here)

We may be one of hundreds that were sent an invite and yet, knowing we will not really be attending, we respond and take it even a step further... we feel we must say something. after all, these are our FB friends. Sorry I am in New York or Timbuktu, or will be recognizing the 9 hour time difference and hopefully 'shagging' my wife.

So what is Evite Etiquette... FaceBook style?

Well let's start here. I suppose it matters most if you actually KNOW the person.

But do you know them? I mean the with some of the intimate details that we would have when we say we know our neighbor, the dentist, who actually DOES need a Tic Tac or the Coach at the Local High School that we saw at White Castle with a girl who looks a lot like the cheerleader who graduated just last June.

Either way... cyber evites seem to bring out the best in all of us, like we feel a desire, even a need... to respond. Which is odd because people on the internet seems to act completey different online, then they do off.

I think that it is just because we were asked by one of our 142 friends that we have on FB ... when in reality it is really 3, maybe 4 tops. FB sure makes us hob nob with the best of the best stars, fashionistas, the elite, and reclusive celebrities! (oddly here is where I have 3, or 4 friends named Angie, Gia, Angelina Pitt, Angelina Jolie-Pitt, and even a few others names Sarah Jolie-Pitt, etc. 

Don't you think it's assumed that if we (the sender) is holding a play in New York and the FB Friend is in Brazil, or Idaho... we kinda figured that you were not coming. To say 'no' won't hurt our feelings. Well not too much.

You... Sven... in Frankfurt, Germany, I am sorry that you cant make it to my boat christening. or Pita in Texas... (pronounced TEY-HAS) who missed out on the big day I finally get my braces off. Ouch.

Maybe I would feel a little rejected as I received message after message saying all of the obvious... and not-so-obvious reasons that you will not be here. In attendance... With me. Sigh.

Now I have to suffer through more moments of angst dealing with some rejection issues. There goes another six months of my life... and and a few grand... in therapy.

So people... please. Don't feel the need (yes, I am saying to push through the years of mother's training) to reply if you are not coming. It's ok... really. We understand, really. It's the internet.

It's not real... right?