Groupon is the best thing EVER!! I got a deal on a massage
(or so I thought...) for $29, I got an hour massage. I am thinking, wow, this
is great. My back has been bothering me with all of this rain, so a nice,
relaxing message would feel great. (ahem, NO, I am NOT soliciting massage
therapists!) And for $29 bucks... even better. Cuz it's not like you can ruin a
massage right?
Well, WRONG, you can. I was telling the girl about one of my
first massages, done at the YMCA from a dude who looked like Jesus. It was so
weird, I had a hard time relaxing with the Son of God’s hands all over. Anyhoo,
I’m digressing a bit. I do that sometimes. Sorry. It's a slippery slope in the
inner workings of my brain.
Still on the digression progression, let me get back to my
story. Massage, Jesus, Guilt, all things considered it was a memorable massage
and not just because of being rubbed down by a holy-man-look-a-like, he went so
deep that my massage threw my back out. I woke up the next day in pain and could
hardly move. Maybe God was punishing
me, not because he was really JC but because thinking of something makes it
just as sinful as doing it... then again, I guess I kinda was doing it huh? Hmmm,
Lets just move on to THIS massage.
I was talking to this massage therapist about the Jesus
Massage in the context that I just wanted a nice and relaxing massage. I didn’t
really want something to deep, I was really just looking for to having a nice
break from life for an hour.
But that didn't happen. The conversation started with no
deep tissue massage, moving onto the Jesus dude, and then onto onto her recent
move from Oregon, or was it Wisconsin and then Oregon? Then onto her being a
1099 employee (which BTW by IRS regulations, she ISN'T) to moving, different
types of Crocs, the Croc store at The Block, the new styles and the non-slip
surface on the soles of Croc’s and then we got on the subject of taxes and jobs...
She mentioned something about all Chiropractors are paying by doing the 1099
thing and then she moved on to how bigger companies are not paying health
insurance benefits by making full-time employees into part-time employees,
which brought us to Obamacare: YES!! The O Word!
As a 1099 Consultant, she cannot qualify for Obamacare and she makes too much
to qualify for State Aid so she has no choices available to her. Then the topic
sort of found its way to corporations paying benefits (rather NOT paying them,
in lieu of making everyone part-time) and ended up how Obamacare is driving
small businesses out of the small label, moving into obsolete... please...
woman...
a) I wanted a relaxing massage. Do you seriously think this
is relaxing?
b) It’s OK not to talk while doing massages... really
it is. I mean, she had more of an issue with the uncomfortable silence, which
btw, I had NO problem what-so-ever with that part, in fact, I kept not
answering in the hopes that she would get the hint. Finally, I just gave and
schooled her for a bit on how people pay taxes vs. how corporations pay taxes.
I told her that I have not paid taxes in years... if ever. I
think I did one year and perhaps, that was the impetus for me never to do it
again.
What's your secret, do you ask? Well I might as well tell
you, as I did her, during this hour-long session. You start up your own
business... but wait, she is a 1099 employee. So I went down the check list for
her on what the IRS standards on the interpretation of "What makes a 1099
Contractor?"
By this point, she had done my back and flipped me over and
started to work on my neck and shoulders. But I had her thinking with all of my
brilliance, so she kept asking me questions. The only problem was HELLO, YOU
ARE DOING MY MASSAGE, REMEMBER? I had to have her move or to stop in certain
places because the 1 inch square of neck between my collar bone and the base of
my neck has been massaged now enough to last me a lifetime... ok, so I over-exaggerate,
but not by much. I tried to hint a couple of time by moving, telling her my
neck hurts, getting up and cracking my neck and by golly if she didn’t just go
right back to the same exact spot... OUCH already!
I wish I could have said, hey finish my … (arms, face, neck
and hands...) but at this point, I was ready to get this $29 massage experience
over with.
Look, she was a nice girl, but I didn’t pay to chat for an
hour... no wait, to give free financial advice, while she got paid; She pretty
much gained the pleasure from this visit… me? No.
The cherry... this
was a Groupon for Chiropractors... Twins, Daniel and David, or something like
that. She wanted to grab one of them to come in so they could give me the
shpiel... Chiropractic... Good... Blah... Blah...
They pushed their services, (or was I just converted?)) asking
to complete forms, talk about back problems/pain, past Chiropractic… they even
asked for my insurance card. (Um, no) I am seeking a massage. Oh and, thanks for the great $29 for one hour
of bliss … but no thanks.
