Everywhere I go, people are trying to rip me off these days. I just need a little bit … for myself. Come on!! Why am I so frustrated, you ask? Well, today I got an email from some Barrister… that’s a lawyer in English, well sort of... Interesting court system they have over there. No wonder they have no criminals imprisoned. Anywhoo … slippery slope…
This letter was from this Barrister, er, this Lawyer type telling me that Haddie May or Sarah Lee or something like that… was about to kick the bucket. And she had a bucket full of bucks to give to me! Ten Million to be exact!
Here is the letter: (the real letter came complete with a picture of some old lady in a hospital bed cuz you know if I see a picture, I am going to believe this fool wanting to give me millions!) Can you say No Turnip Truk'n Here!
ALEXANDER BARRISTERS CHAMBERS
13 Halstead Road, London, E11 2AY
Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is Barrister matthew pascall,I am Mrs.Helen Cole's attorney. She has instructed me to assist you with the relevant document to have access to the account.She said she has prayed about it and it was revealed that you are the trusted one to utilize this funds to better the less opportune in your society,you have been destined to do this to bring people closer to the almighty. You are to provide the below information which will enable me process the relevant document which will be enable you take charge of the account as directed by Mrs. Helen Cole.The amount in the account is in Millions of Dollars (10.8M) The requested detail will also enable the high court validate the WILL of Mrs Helen Cole.
1. Full names.
2. Residential address.
3. Phone number.
4. Fax number.
5. Sex.
6. Age.
I have just been informed earlier today by the doctor that Mrs. Helen Cole is in comma.She had earlier told me about you that if situation gets worse I should contact you in order to process all relevant documents in your favor regarding the status of her account to your name.You are being reminded of the task ahead to use a reasonable part of the funds to build a temple of worship and also help the less privileged in your society as you have been appointed by God to complete this task Attached is a photograph of her at the hospital.I want you to include her in your prayers.
I await your response.
My name is Barrister matthew pascall,I am Mrs.Helen Cole's attorney. She has instructed me to assist you with the relevant document to have access to the account.She said she has prayed about it and it was revealed that you are the trusted one to utilize this funds to better the less opportune in your society,you have been destined to do this to bring people closer to the almighty. You are to provide the below information which will enable me process the relevant document which will be enable you take charge of the account as directed by Mrs. Helen Cole.The amount in the account is in Millions of Dollars (10.8M) The requested detail will also enable the high court validate the WILL of Mrs Helen Cole.
1. Full names.
2. Residential address.
3. Phone number.
4. Fax number.
5. Sex.
6. Age.
I have just been informed earlier today by the doctor that Mrs. Helen Cole is in comma.She had earlier told me about you that if situation gets worse I should contact you in order to process all relevant documents in your favor regarding the status of her account to your name.You are being reminded of the task ahead to use a reasonable part of the funds to build a temple of worship and also help the less privileged in your society as you have been appointed by God to complete this task Attached is a photograph of her at the hospital.I want you to include her in your prayers.
I await your response.
Barr. Matthew Pascall
Ok… First we start with dear sir/madam? Didn’t Haddie Mae KNOW who she was about to give 10.8M to? Ok… keep going cuz it gets better.
Supposedly, this is a very educated person writing this letter but can’t this educated man spell? There is no difference between a ‘coma’ in England or the USA and whatever happened to punctuation, capitalizing YOUR NAME and just simple spacing in between words? I see a ruler in your future connected to a nun’s furious SLAP.
Here is another question… why are their two names on the letterhead? Is it a Barristers’ office or as in the Barristers, as a last name? And call me crazy but isn't that logo for the medical profession? Hmmm, not an actual Barrister?
Things are done very differently in England as opposed the US. Even the roles and titles are very different; quite frankly, to the English, U.S. attorneys are considered to be pond scum… waaay beneath them.
But the BIGGEST indicator that this is yes-indeedy, SPAM, is that England has two titles in their legal process:
A barrister generally performs trial work, especially in the higher courts, and does not deal directly with clients. A solicitor, on the other hand, speaks with clients, prepares documents and may appear as an advocate in a lower court.
BUZZZZZZZ wrong answer my spam scam. To quote my dear friend Heidi, “in the world of fashion, one day you’re in, and then you are OUT!”
Well, we know this is a scam … so being who I am… Morgana Reeves, the First Official facebook PHore, I decided to write back and supply him with all of my information.. and at the same time… send my note to the spoof police too; they are the people who handle these kinds of scams.
The first thing I did was open a new email address. Lord knows, I didn’t want some wacko to get a hold of my information. So I used an old yahoo address so I could open a new yahoo ID, BendingoverwithoutforeplayorKY4U@ yahoo.com
Here was my response...
Mr. Barrister Sir,
I am sooo impressed that a man of your position (I like mine doggy style as do you…) would write to me and offer such a large sum of money. I, like 99% of the United States, Is unemployed and poor and would love to get my hands on a few mill. Unfortunately, I left the Church years ago because of this little scandal I had with a couple of the pastors… So the money and I are going to have to go it alone! But please assure the old and dying lady that I will spend the money with love and happiness attached to every penny!
Well time’s awaitin’ and I ain’t getting any prettier or any richer, so here is my info:
1. Full names.
My full name is Sophia Maria Linda Guadalupe Maria Jr. Gonzalez Lopez Hernandez Smith. But you can call me Sophie. All my friends do. Then I have my kids, Greg, Marcia, Jan, Peter, Bobby, and cute little Sindy. She has Cancer you know... Lukeymia. Sad, sad really. She just walks around all day looking for my keys... I dunno. None of the doctors and specialist can figure it out really. So you can see… that money couldn’t have come at a better time, God Bless her little heart.
2. Residential address.
Well I am kind of in a residential house at the moment but we have a P.O. Box from the Post Office a coupla days ago so it’s completely legit being from the Post Office and all. It’s Post Office Box 12. Uh.. yea, 12. Las Angelos, CA 90210. (That’s next to the beach in a real ritzy neighborhood and all.)
3. Phone number.
I just purchased this brand new phone from Walmart just for this special occasion! Our proud new telephone number is: 213-545-7463 or 213-Lil-SIN’D to help you remember how to get in touch with us!!
4. Fax number.
Gosh, we don’t have one of those. But it looks rather hopeful we can purchase a brand-new, state-of-the-art Fax in just a few shorts week… God willin’ of course.
5. Sex.
Oh YES please! Well it’s been a really long time now. Little Sindy is going on 14 now and we don’t want no more kids plus I ain’t married no more so I had to stick to blow jobs mostly but I would be willing to give you some sex if that would help expedite getting this money any faster. Gosh, thanks SO MUCH for the added bonus!!!!!
6. Age.
I am 52 but I don’t look a day over 29 when I take my teeth out. (p.s. THAT makes for one great suctioning blow job!!)
Mr. Barrister, thank you kindly for this opportunity to make all our dreams come true, in making Gods work, of course. We might need a few things to get us to the Church and all but it shouldn’t take but a year or so.
And I understand if I have to pay any fees or interest in sexual favors and the like until we start actually doing the work for the Church. My arse is your arse until we are all paid square.
Thanks again and can’t wait to meet with you.
God Bless you and Tiny Tim,
Sophie, Greg, Marcia, Jan, Peter, Bobby, and cute little Sindy.
