Vanity? or Insanity?

I have never understood what the whole deal was with Vanity plates. I mean, what exactly is their purpose? Is it just about who can think up the cutest phrase, or are we really being serious about making statements that proclaim to the world more about who we are? Is the Vanity plate about being Vain, or Insane, or maybe just a little stupid?

I will be the first one to admit that there are some really good vanity plates out there. People can get pretty creative in making a statement about themselves. A couple of the goodies that I have seen are MYTWUK, SPEDEMN or LAKRFAN. There are also the plates that use the symbols to get their point across… like the one I really like, and should have been on my sister’s car… SH’O’PPER with a Heart symbol for the letter O, for someone who loves to shop; or ‘HAND’EMAN, that is written with a Hand symbol and the word ‘eman’ next to it. Since these people sported Lakers flags, or were attached to a white work truck, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the vanity plate meant.

But then you get some people that take it to the opposite end of the spectrum where it takes you forever to figure out what the plate actually means... and even then, we still may never get it. Again, let's reiterate that I did NOT take the little yellow bus to school… but when someone almost hits a telephone pole attempting to figure out what the plate actually meant, then it goes into the category of what I now call, the insanity plate.

Here are some other examples of what I think fall under the Insanity plate. Some people just want to see how clever they are and basically use any word, even if it has no personal meaning for them. Why…? That makes absolutely no sense to me. (or cents, for that matter) Do you realize that you are paying a FEE to put some pointless word on your car? Buy a plate and pour your heart out! Don’t we have enough in our lives that is meaningless? I would avoid using those embarrassing words PHATFRE, unless of course you are… fat free on both counts, because the woman I saw driving was PHATFUL and not because she was PHAT and a bag of chips. She was all that because of a lot bags of chips.

It’s like people do it simply because they can, like they have somehow tricked the DMV by getting away with word cunning. Cunning language…tee hee.. Like who cares if you got the word NIGHT on your car, I mean, DUH. Unless it’s your name, what’s the point; unless you are an astronomer, what’s the point of putting “URANUS” on your license plate. Oh… hahahaha… that one I got.

But here is the biggest peeve for me: those confessions of love…. The plates with just the initials like JS ____ KS or the plate that has a heart in the middle of the letters, DM and GJ. I mean, I got that James Smith married Kim Smith, and Gina loves Derek sooo much that she needs to drive around in her car with her proclamation of love written on it BUT why not save yourself a few bucks and a lot of embarrassment?

See, my question is, if it's not Derek's car, or James didn't ask you to write your plate in that order, well... it looks kind of… I hate to say it but... a little pathetic. See, here is the skinny... (are ya paying attention PHAT?) When us drivers look into your car after the intrigue of reading your plate, it's like the bubble of our illusion has been burst and we have been catapulted back to reality. Hard!

Why add the guy’s initials first, instead of saying like it is… Kim, if it's your car... just say that you love James. Does it validate the marriage more to write James first? Because Kim, we all are thinking that perhaps this is your way of telling yourself, (and everyone who will listen) that 'James loves... er, loved, you,’ and that maybe you aren’t even sure anymore.

Let me ask you something... Did you ask yourself… Hey, what happens if we split? If we divorce? Then you now have to drive around with the fact that ‘James once loved Kim;’ but James now owns a Porsche and has moved on to a daily ritual of Viagra and Rogaine for his new life with Emma. I mean, it’s not like we can cross it out and start over. Nope. You bought ‘em, you live with them. Then again, I guess you can divvy ‘em up in the divorce settlement.

It’s kind of the same thing for those star crossed lovers, Derek and Gina… I am sorry. Truly... truly sorry but if it’s not Derek’s car (judging by the driver) it probably wasn’t James' idea to get those plates; therefore, all of us in bubble-land are thinking that those are probably the plates that stem from low self-esteem; Gina made sure that the whole world knew they were together but divulged even more information as she entered onto the walkway of shame as she turned in the plates to her local DMV.

So I guess the moral of this story kiddies, is to never put anything in writing, or metal, that you can’t easily undo, reverse, or get out of… without costing yourself money, time, or further embarrassment. Ask yourself some very important questions first. Is this going to make me look Hot, or Not?

There is a very thin line between sporting Vanity plates or Insanity plates, and it usually stems from our over-inflated egos, and all-to-hidden agenda based on insecurity unless you just want to pay more money to your local DMV. Just ask James who thought he dodged that bullet as he chucked those JS ____ KS plates for the sporty new HOTT911 plates that go with his new Porsche… but his ignorance became quite apparent as he drives down PCH on a warm, breezy day with the top down, comb-over waving to all those passing by. Hot and Not, I tell ya.

But then again…Vanity and Insanity… are far too often, subjective.


Copyright © Shelli Buhr 2010